[View the story “The Bacon Rules” on Storify ]The Bacon Rules …or does he just mean that Bacon RULES!!!! ? Either way, looks like our presidential write-in candidate has ten of them. Storified by Edward Heller · Fri, May 25 2012 19:02:54
OK, twitter morons or Twitrons ™ I’m laying down some ground rules. 1) No anti-meat slogans #BaconRULES #Vote #BaconBacon 4 President
2) All Americans are Americans, Even Bacon-Americans #BaconRULES #BaconBacon 4 President
3) You do NOT tweet about Fight Club!!! #BaconRULES #BACONBacon 4 President
3a) Forget you read rule 3) #BaconRULES #BACONBacon 4 President
4) Hot side hot, cool side cool. #Bacon goes on BOTH SIDES #BaconRULESBacon 4 President
5) Stop wasting my time & our precious booze money on Un-Jesusy laws of oppression. U R not god. U don’t get to judge. #Bacon. #BaconRULESBacon 4 President
6)#Bacon is not god. I am however distantly related.Not enough characters in this tweet to explain & u probably won’t understand #BaconRULESBacon 4 President
7) I do, however, get to judge humanity. #DealWithIt #Bacon is immortal, but not in a highlander way. There can b more than one. #BaconRULESBacon 4 President
8) You do not get to claim that you saved the Auto Industry unless you actually did. #BACON #BeingPartOfBreakfastDoesCount #BaconRULESBacon 4 President
8a) I invented the internal combustion engine, by the way. #noididnot Also led Seal Team 6 into Pakistan. #inmymind #BaconRULES #BaconBacon 4 President
TweetBoy, are you typing everything into twitter as I tell you to or are you leaving sarcastic hashtags again? #TweetBoyRULES #Bacon #IdiotBacon 4 President
OK, good. Let’s continue. #OKyoubigmeatyfathead #Vote #BaconBacon 4 President
Rule 9) Whenever you have the opportunity to vote, do not squander that vote on a vegetablican candidate. #BaconRULES #Vote #BaconBacon 4 President
And finally- Rule 10) NEVER WASTE #BACON ON THE DEAD. Pour out a 40 on the sidewalk if u must, but never ever feed me 2 zombies. #BaconRULESBacon 4 President
Oh, I left one rule out… Rule 22) Never, EVER bother Gibbs in interrogation. #BaconRULES I’ll tell u the other 11 later #Vote #BACON #NCISBacon 4 President
President Obama finally remembered rule 51. @DylanRatigan @Maddow #NCIS #SSM #Vote #BaconBacon 4 President
RULE 11) Do NOT Disturb me while I am ROCKING OUT! #BaconRULES #Bacon #Rock #Me @KatieDarylBacon 4 President
Tweetboy, get out that stone tablet and chisel! I have one more… 12) Rashers and Rashes are NOT the same thing. #BaconRULES #Vote #BaconBacon 4 President
Keep chiseling, TweetBoy! Rule 13) @KevinBacon’s belly is NOT MADE OF PORK. Do NOT fry & eat him. #BaconRULES #Vote #Bacon #Bacon4PresidentBacon 4 President
Rule 14) U cannot tear down Wrigley until they win at least ONE world series there. don’t care if u hate when the wind blows in. #BaconRULESBacon 4 President
"Me and Zero request you in the Mercedes!" – http://youtube.com/watch?v=O2Wr8J8faGA – #Bacon #ThisBeatGoesOn #SwitchingToGlideBacon 4 President
SPACEMERICA! Eff Yeah! http://spacex.com/webcast @SpaceX @ElonMusk #Bacon #Space #DragonBacon 4 President
Crazy Idea: Open a National Bank w Fed-backed loans @ <1% interest rate; lend every U.S. adult $250K BAM! #Jobs #EconomicRecovery #BaconBacon 4 President
I’ve been informed by my manager, Smokey, that I’m making WAY too much sense in my tweets. I’ll do better, Twitter. U DESERVE MAD BACON ,YO!Bacon 4 President
In fact, that’s gonna be #BACON Rule 15) U DESERVE MAD BACON, YO! #BaconRULESBacon 4 President
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