The first Friday in June is
NATIONAL DONUT DAY!
Please celebrate accordingly – There are rules.
Here’s the rules:
Buy your donuts FRESH and EARLY.
Don’t buy crappy donuts.
Don’t spend three dollars for ONE donut, not even for one with bacon on it.
Vanilla or Lemon custard are superior to Jelly-filled.
Glazed donuts are best when hot.
Chocolate iced yellow cake donuts are the reason we were given tastebuds.
Purchase more of these than any other variety.
Chocolate, Vanilla, and Pink glazed yeast-risen donuts are also popular and delicious.
Sprinkles are not mandatory, but recommended.
Powdered Sugar Donuts are the cocaine of donuts, but try not to snort them.
For the purposes of National Donut Day, cinnamon rolls/pershings/persians, apple fritters, maple bars, and long johns also qualify as donuts if purchased at the same time as regular donuts. CRONUTS ARE FORBIDDEN!
DO NOT donut and drive. If you are going to donut today, Donut Responsibly. PLEASE get a designated coffee drinker.
DO NOT eat half of a donut on National Donut Day.
Eat the whole donut or save your deviant donut-eating heresy for another day.
The toasted coconut donut is the scariest looking donut, and you will probably not take it. This is fine with me, because I will save it for last and you will be missing out on a one-way ticket to flavor town.
The Final Donut Rule: DONUTS RULE!