Categories
All

Raiders of the Lost Ark – Possibly The BEST MOVIE EVER

If you have not ever seen the movie
Raiders of The Lost Ark
,

WHAT ON EARTH IS WRONG WITH YOU?

It is quite possibly the best movie ever.
This is why*:

  • Han Frickin’ Solo in a leather jacket
  • World Travel
  • Treasure Hunting / Archaeology
  • Golden Idols
  • Awesome Booby Traps
  • Evil French Dude
  • Hordes of angry natives with poison dart blow guns
  • Snakes on a Plane!
  • Shifty Bureaucrats and Government Agents
  • Supernatural religious artifacts
  • Booze drinking, bar-owning female love interest
  • Evil Asian Dude with a branding iron
  • Bull whip used as an accurate weapon
  • Henchmen with extremely loud and useless machine guns
  • FIRE! (thank you, Beavis)
  • Superimposed images of a plane over a map used for transitions.
  • MONKEYS! Spy Monkeys!
  • John Rhys Davies brings class to any movie he is in, even if he is playing an Egyptian with a British accent.
  • Evil Monkey Trainer with Eye Patch
  • Evil masked dudes with swords
  • Cookware used as a weapon – “Frying pans! Who knew!” said my brother.
  • BEST AD-LIBBED SCENE : Indy uses his gun.
    (If you’ve seen it, you know the scene I’m talking about)
  • Truck explosions.
  • Best use of kids to diffuse a potential armed bloodbath.
  • Sad irony – BAD DATES.
  • Evil Nazis (is there any other kind?)
  • Egyptian Work Songs (at least I think they’re Egyptian)
  • Secret map rooms with models of Pyramids and stuff 
  • More SNAKES! (Very Dangerous! You go first.)
  • Fire! Fire! eheh eh ehem (Shut up, Beavis!)
  • Drinking contests
  • Clever, but scary, collapsible travel coat hangers!
  • Egyptian Tombs and Secret passageways
  • Skeletons 
  • Daring Escapes!
  • Weird German Aircraft
  • Fight Club with Evil German Mr. Clean
  • Chicks with Machine Guns
  • Death… by Propeller!
  • MORE EXPLOSIONS!
  • Horses!
  • German Army Truck Convoys
  • The importance of seatbelts.
  • The unreliability of hood ornaments.
  • The reason why the Swiss Army now makes bullwhips.
  • Boats and Submarines!
  • Katanga, the Lando Calrissian of the Sea!
  • An RPG Launcher in 1936! (anachronism, maybe, but definitely cool)
  • Bondage!
  • Nazis performing blasphemy on purpose.
  • Whirling Ghosts, Spirits, Supernatural Forces
  • Important advice about staring directly at the wrath of the supernatural.
  • MELTING FACES!

 * If you’ve seen the movie, you’ll know what I mean by most of these references.
 * If you haven’t seen the movie, keep this list handy while you watch.

The only thing this movie doesn’t have is space ships and aliens and, well… we all know how well that worked out for Indiana Jones.

Besides, if you want aliens and spaceships, George Lucas has you covered with the Star Wars saga, but watch episodes IV, V, and VI first.

So, do yourselves and your progeny a favor –
Skip the next retro, ball-kicking tattooed party alien prequel dreamy teen vampire 80’s rock 3-D animated time-traveling musical movie re-boot and watch Raiders first so you can make proper movie-viewing decisions in the future.

You’re welcome. 🙂

Categories
All Bacon Food Money Politics Rant

Bacon Super PAC – Let's Make This Happen!

Hi, Bacon , Cheeseburger and Bacon Cheeseburger Fans
and followers of Bacon4President!

I’m starting up a Bacon Super PAC (www.baconsuperpac.com).
I’m not kidding. This is real.

Besides supporting an imaginary strip of Bacon wearing a suit who’s running for President (you can still write him in),
I want to use this PAC to support real solutions for economic recovery and local food-related causes and other things that we care about, such as:

helping people get jobs and training,
helping small businesses that create or support a better food industry,
giving people better access to fresh produce,
working with cities to create more reasonable food truck regulations (like preparing/cooking food on the truck, etc.),
and supporting those who support progress.

In order to get the Super PAC and 501 non-profit set up properly, I need some seed-money to set up accounts and do the initial paperwork, etc. I’m trying to do as much of this on my own as possible, but I may need legal or financial consultation to make sure I put your donations to their best use. Any amount not used for the setup will go toward funding of the SuperPAC and/or 501 non-profit.
Once Bacon Super PAC is up and running, I may soon be able to hire people to support the Super PAC and 501 non-profit organizations. I want to be a REAL job creator, so others can bring home the bacon, too!

Let’s get started!
Go to www.gofundme.com/BaconSuperPAC
and make a Pre-Funding Donation (any amount)
so we can get this thing “out of the frying pan”!


Together, we can make a future where
ALL Americans can have more bacon tomorrow!

Thanks for your support, and LARD BLESS AMERICA!

Edward Heller
Founder – Bacon SuperPAC
Americans For More Bacon Tomorrow
www.baconsuperpac.com

Categories
All Bacon Food Humor Politics

A BACON AMERCIA! (or beer can)

I think we can cut Mitt Romney a little slack on this one, as he probably didn’t even know he HAD an iPhone app.
Our good friend and presidential candidate, C.P. Bacon is also quite familiar with the challenges of hiring competent production staff. One time, he hired a Jamaican graphic designer to work on his iPhone app.
We’re not entirely sure if Bacon realizes that he was also dyslexic:
bacon4president.com

If you don’t get why it says “beer can”, you used to be able to go to: baconorbeercan.com, but apparently there were legal issues with that website, so we’re linking to the archive.org page

Categories
All Bacon Food

The Bacon Rules

Our good friend @Bacon4Pres is on another twitter rant.
He has established “The Bacon Rules. …or does he just mean that Bacon RULES!!!! ?
Either way, it looks like our presidential write-in candidate has ten of them.
( if you can’t see the Storify feed below, you can view it at storify.com/vcburger/the-bacon-rules )

Categories
All Bacon Food Politics

@Bacon4Pres Crashed the #WHCD #NerdProm

Bacon ( @Bacon4Pres on twitter ) greased his way into the White House Correspondents Dinner “Nerd Prom” and the After-Party…
and the AFTER After-Party.
Things happened. TweetBoy helped our fine presidential candidate to document it for posterity. Of course, Bacon occasionally tweets for himself as well. We’ll leave it up to you to figure out who tweeted what, as his campaign manager, Smokey, isn’t quite sure either.
Click thru the slideshow below or check out the full twitter stream at @Bacon4Pres