Categories
All Bacon Food

Bacon. That is All.

Happy BaconFest, Everyone!






Categories
All Beer Food Hot Dogs Humor Sports

All the Beer and Hot Dogs.

Cubs Opening Day was a bust, but then well… ya know. They’re the Cubs.
We’re just gearing up for 2015, by which time Miami will have moved to the American league in huge league realignment
and the Marlins owners will finally realize how stupid looking a Marlin is on a uniform and opt for a much more appropriate and aggressive team mascot – the Gator.

Cubs 2015
Animation clip from Back To The Future 2
– via Al Yellon’s article:
A ‘Back To The Future’ MLB Realignment Scenario
Read it at SB Nation.

On the plus side, we got to see an entertaining Cubs/Sox dialog from FunnyOrDie.com ,
featuring two of our favorite people, Craig Robinson & Nick Offerman.
They toss a few nice verbal jabs at each other and then teach us
two important lessons about friendly North-side/South-Side rivalry conversations:

1) Never bring up New York
and
2) NEVER… EVER… disrespect Chicago Pizza.

Categories
All Holiday Humor

It’s March 32nd. Please Update Your Calendars.

Don’t forget, today is MARCH 32nd.

The United Nations and the Coordinated Universal Time Agency
have announced that this is the very first
Daylight Savings Conversion Adjustment
Contingency Solution Year.

Assimilated Press reports:
A panel of scientists, including NASA and a number of
leaders in mathematical science and astrophysics around
the world have concluded that our current system for
measuring time has been increasingly drifting out of
Phase
with the Earth’s rotation around the Sun. After
tracking several years of space/time drift anomalies and

R
elativity inconsistencies
with supporting data from our
Internationally funded global positioning networks and the
Lunar verification telemetry from
orbiting space telescopes,
Scientists have determined that our current system of

leap years is only partially effective for keeping our
calendars in proper sync.


  Therefore, in addition to the leap year system of adding a
February 29th every four years,
  (except for years divisible by 100 that do not leave a
remainder
of 200 or 600 when divided by 900),
Officials have now established a new protocol to compensate
for this inconsistency.
We must now add an additional day to March every 7 years,
except in years divisible by 41.

One scientist has already coined this adjustment as:

Lucky Leap Year.

The next DSCACS year will be 2019.
Software companies have been scrambling to push updates for
all programs requiring a calendar update. All US Government
nuclear facilities have already verified installation of
the calendar-based operating systems.

Categories
All BBQ Food Recipes

BBQ Brownies – It's a Thing.

THE SCENARIO:
It’s grilling season (yes, I know it’s March. Crazy, right?), and you have just grilled a ton of tasty animals on your charcoal grill. The coals are still plenty hot, and it seems like a huge waste to just let those coals burn out,
but you’re out of meat, and frankly, you’ve just eaten enough cow today to consider the species endangered.

So…
What do you do with a grill full of hot coals after you’re done grilling?

BBQ BROWNIES!
THAT’S WHAT!
[insert photo from the next time I make bbq brownies]
Now, before you get confused, we’re not slathering any red sauce on these bad boys. That would just be weird. Also, we’re not slow-smoking these brownies in hickory at 225 degrees for 12 hours. That would most likely leave you with a pan full of chocolate flavored charcoal anyway (which I’d find a way to use in my next rack of spare ribs).
We’re just baking brownies in an oven that happens to be outdoors and powered by hot coals.
It’s just cooler to call them BBQ Brownies,
because when you say it, people reply “huh?”.
 
MAKING BBQ BROWNIES:

This one isn’t rocket science, but you do need to pay close attention to your baking.

Read the entire recipe first. Once you get the idea, you’ll see it isn’t very complicated.
While your barbecue grill is still hot…

TURN YOUR GRILL INTO AN OVEN:
Grab an extra heavy duty baking sheet or 2 (stack them if you have more than one sheet).
The baking sheets provide a little bit of protection from burning.
Remove your grilling rack and move your hot coals to one side of your grill.
Replace the grilling rack and place the baking sheet/sheets on top of the rack over the non-coal side of the grill.
As many barbecue grills are different, you may want to do your own tinkering to get the best setup.
Your goal is to get even, indirect heat for most of your baking time, so however you achieve that is up to you.
If you can get your grill temp down to about 350-375 degrees F with the lid on, you’ll have much better results.
If your grill is hotter than that, you’ll need to keep a closer eye on your brownies.

MAKE SOME BROWNIE BATTER:
Grab your favorite box of brownie mix
(or make your own brownie mix),
prepare it as directed, then doctor-up your mix by adding things like
chocolate chips, marshmallows, nuts, bacon, caramels, pretzels,
potato chips,
foie gras, lobster macaroni, kobe beef,
(you should know which ingredients I’m kidding about by now)
or whatever else you like to put in your brownies.
then pour the brownie batter into a pan. I use a 13×9 inch pan,
but you can use whatever pan you like.

BAKE THEM BROWNIES!:

Place the brownie pan on top of the baking sheets and close the lid.
Rotate the pan after 10 minutes to make sure the brownies bake evenly.
Most likely, your brownies will be ready in about 20-25 minutes, but you should
check on your brownies every 5 minutes after the first 10 until they are baked to your likeness.
Then let them cool for at least 15-30 minutes before cutting them, or they will fall apart.
If you like your brownies chewy, you’ll want to pull them out a little bit before you think they are done.
If you smell your brownies starting to burn, remove them immediately and let them cool.
A little bit of char on BBQ Brownies is OK. You can always cut off the bottoms if they get too charred.

BBQ Brownies take a bit of practice, but they are totally worth the effort once you figure out the best way to make them on your grill.

May your own BBQ Brownie efforts go forth with minimal char.

Categories
All Bacon Food Politics

Winner of The MOST IMPORTANT Presidential Primary Poll EVER is…

With 100% of the precincts reporting,

The winner of
The MOST IMPORTANT Presidential Primary Poll EVER is…

BACON!
Please stay tuned as we await an announcement from the Bacon campaign…
which we join live right now:
“My fellow Bacon-mericans. I know the road so far has been filled
with springy pancakes, scrambled eggs, and the occasional sausage link,
but you and I have taken an important step and now I am proud..
VERY PROUD TO ANNOUNCE..
THAT I AM NOW YOUR NOMINEE FOR PRESIDENT OF THE UNIT…
pardon me for just one second, will you?

(Campaign manager! Where you at, Smokey?! I could swear you told me that we were running for President of Breakfast. No? Well, OK, but can I be both President of the United States and ALSO of Breakfast? Yes? OK, cool. Let’s do this!)

Now, where was I?

Oh, yes…
VERY PROUD TO ANNOUNCE..
THAT I AM NOW YOUR NOMINEE FOR
PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA!
Together, we are going to insure
that the American Breakfast’s finest days have yet to come!
Thank you, and Lard bless America!”

You’ve just heard from the Bacon Campaign.
The Final Results again, with 100% of the precincts reporting…
Bacon wins a decisive victory with 44.8% of the vote,
followed by Pizza and Cheeseburger.
Romney could not get past Santorum, who tied for 4th,
just ahead of Newt Gingrich.
Also on the poll graph: Ron Paul.

The Most Important Poll EVER: The Most Important Primary Poll EVER!